all anchorman quotes compilations
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)
Ron Burgundy is San Diego's top rated newsman in the male-dominated broadcasting of the 70's, but that's all about to change for Ron and his cronies when an ambitious woman is hired as a new anchor.
Anchorman tells a simple story: acclaimed (and consequently arrogant) news anchor Ron Burgundy is forced to adapt when an attractive new female member of the Channel 4 news team (Applegate) begins changing the way he and his quirky news team work. That's it. This story is predictable, prescription-esquire, boring. But Anchorman does not draw it's strength from story. It draws from the hilarious situations. It draws from randomness. It draws from brief–but memorable–cameos. It draws from those 100 or so unforgettable one-liners.
Veronica Corningstone: For the entire Channel 4 news team, I'm Veronica Corningstone.
Ron Burgundy: And I'm Ron Burgundy. Go fuck yourself, San Diego.
Brian Fantana: [about Veronica] I'll give this little cookie an hour before we're doing the no-pants dance. Time to musk up.
[opens cologne cabinet]
Ron Burgundy: Wow. Never ceases to amaze me. What cologne you gonna go with?
London Gentleman, or wait. No, no, no. Hold on. Blackbeard's Delight.
Brian Fantana: No, she gets a special cologne… It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries… Yep, it's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.
Ron Burgundy: It's quite pungent.
Brian Fantana: Oh yeah.
Ron Burgundy: It's a formidable scent… It stings the nostrils. In a good way.
Brian Fantana: Yep.
Ron Burgundy: Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.
Brian Fantana: They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time.
Ron Burgundy: That doesn't make sense.
Brian Fantana: Well… Let's go see if we can make this little kitty purr.
Ron Burgundy: Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego,which of course in German means a whale's vagina.
Veronica Corningstone: No, there's no way that's correct.
Ron Burgundy: I'm sorry, I was trying to impress you. I don't know what it means. I'll be honest, I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore.Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago.
Veronica Corningstone: Doesn't it mean Saint Diego?
Ron Burgundy: No. No.
Veronica Corningstone: No, that's – that's what it means. Really.
Ron Burgundy: Agree to disagree.
Ron Burgundy: Boy, that escalated quickly… I mean, that really got out of hand fast.
Champ Kind: It jumped up a notch.
Ron Burgundy: It did, didn't it?
Brick Tamland: Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart.
Ron Burgundy: I saw that. Brick killed a guy. Did you throw a trident?
Brick Tamland: Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident.
Ron Burgundy: Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while,because you're probably wanted for murder.
Brick Tamland: I love… carpet.
Brick Tamland: I love… desk.
Ron Burgundy: Brick, are you just looking at things in the office and saying that you love them?
Brick Tamland: I love lamp.
Ron Burgundy: Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying it because you saw it?
Brick Tamland: I love lamp. I love lamp.
Ron Burgundy: Last time I looked in the dictionary, my name's Ron Burgundy.What's your name?
Brian Fantana: Brian Fantana.
Champ Kind: Champ Kind.
Brick Tamland: Brian Fantana.
Brian Fantana: No, you're Brick.
Brick Tamland: Brian.
Brian Fantana: I'm Brian.
Brick Tamland: Veronica.
Ed Harken: A lot of you have been hearing the affiliates complaining about a lack of diversity on the news team.
Champ Kind: What in the hell's diversity?
Ron Burgundy: Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.
Ed Harken: Ron, I would be surprised if the affiliates were concerned about the lack of an old, old wooden ship, but nice try.
Brick Tamland: I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call mentally retarded.
Ron Burgundy: [to dog] You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha,covered in hair.
Ron Burgundy: I'm in a glass case of emotion.
Brick Tamland: [riding a bear] Hey, Ron. I'm riding a furry tractor.
Ron Burgundy: You stay classy, San Diego. I'm Ron Burgundy?
Ed Harken: Dammit. Who typed a question mark on the Teleprompter?
Ron Burgundy: [Ron’s dog barks at him] You know I don't speak Spanish.
Brick Tamland: I ate fiberglass insulation. It wasn't cotton candy like the guy said… my tummy itches.
Brian Fantana: Don't get me wrong, I love the ladies. I mean they rev my engines, but they don't belong in the newsroom.
Champ Kind: It is anchor*man*, not anchor*lady*. And that is a scientific fact.
Brick Tamland: I don't know what we're yelling about.
Brian Fantana: You're with us, Ron, what do you think?
Ron Burgundy: [shouting] She… Sh… It's terrible. She has beautiful eyes,and her hair smells like cinnamon.
Brick Tamland: [shouts] Loud noises.
Champ Kind: I will smash your face into a car windshield, and then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again.
Wes Mantooth: Dorothy Mantooth is a Saint!
Ron Burgundy: Hey, let's leave the mothers out of this.
[Ron bribes the announcer]
Announcer: You're watching Channel 4 News with five-time Emmy award-winning anchor Ron Burgundy and Tits McGee.
Veronica Corningstone: Good evening, San Diego. I'm Veronica Corningstone.Tits McGee is on vacation.
Ron Burgundy: And I'm Tits… I'm Ron Burgundy.
Ron Burgundy: [Ron Burgundy and Champ Kind making prank phone calls to Veronica Corningstone] This is your doctor. I have your pregnancy report here, and guess what. You got knocked up.
Ron Burgundy: Knights of Columbus, that hurt.
Ed Harken: Sweetheart, you and I have had this discussion a million times.There's never been a woman anchor.
Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Harken, this city needs its news. And you are going to deprive them of that because I have breasts? Exquisite breasts? Now,I am gonna go on, and if you want to try and stop me, bring it on. Because I am good at three things: Fighting, screwing, and reading the news. I've already done one of those today, so what's the other one gonna be? Huh?
Ed Harken: [thinks about it] Screwing?
Veronica Corningstone: My God, what is that smell? Oh.
Brian Fantana: That's the smell of desire my lady.
Veronica Corningstone: God no, it smells like, like a used diaper… filled with… Indian food. Oh, excuse me.
Brian Fantana: You know, desire smells like that to some people.
News Station Employee: [Disgusted] What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.
News Station Employee: [Horrified] Smells like Bigfoot's dick!
Brian Fantana: [Tries to act casual and walk away] Woah, what's that smell?
Ron Burgundy: [concluding broadcast] Good night, I'm Ron Burgundy. Go fuck yourself San Diego.
Ed Harken: [various reaction from crew members] What in the name of? No!
Ron Burgundy: [oblivious] Sharp broadcast all of you. Great show, especially from you on the floor. A lot of hustle. I liked that.
Ed Harken: Ron, I've got to fire you.
Ron Burgundy: Ed, I've got to fire you.
Ed Harken: Do you even know what you just said?
Ron Burgundy: [shocked] Great Odin's raven! Veronica, she put that in the teleprompter.
Ed Harken: Maybe she did but I've got to fire you.
Ron Burgundy: I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly…
Brian Fantana: I think I was in love once.
Ron Burgundy: Really? What was her name?
Brian Fantana: I don't remember.
Ron Burgundy: That's not a good start, but keep going…
Brian Fantana: She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways,never to see each other again.
Ron Burgundy: I'm pretty sure that's not love.
Brian Fantana: Damn it.
[subtitled conversation between Ron’s dog Baxter and an attacking bear]
Baxter: Leave these people alone. They mean you no harm.
Bear: We Bears are a proud race. They must pay for their intrusion.
Baxter: On my journey I met one of your kind. His name was Katow-jo. We became friends.
Bear: Katow-jo is my cousin. Go in peace.
Baxter: I will tell tales of your compassion.
Bear: Fare thee well, Baxter. You shall always be friend of the bears.
Veronica Corningstone: Excuse me.
Ron Burgundy: What are you doing?
Veronica Corningstone: I need this machine so I can watch a tape for a story.
Ron Burgundy: I'm using the tape. I'm showing Jeffrey my Emmy tape. We are watching history.
Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Burgundy, I'm a professional, and I would like to be able to do my job.
Ron Burgundy: Big deal. I am very professional.
Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Burgundy, you are acting like a baby.
Ron Burgundy: I'm not a baby, I am a man. I am an anchorman.
Veronica Corningstone: You are not a man. You are a big fat joke.
Ron Burgundy: I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower
out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman
with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science.
Veronica Corningstone: I will have you know that I have more talent and more
intelligence in my little finger than you do in your entire body, sir.
Ron Burgundy: You are a smelly pirate hooker.
Veronica Corningstone: You look like a blueberry.
Ron Burgundy: Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island?
Veronica Corningstone: Well, you have bad hair.
Ron Burgundy: [insulted] What did you say?
Veronica Corningstone: I said… your hair… looks stupid.
[an A-bomb mushroom cloud is reflected in Ron's eyes; the knock-down drag-out
Ron Burgundy: Brick, where did you get a hand grenade?
Brick Tamland: I don't know.
Ron Burgundy: Don't you know I'd never say fuck. Fuck.
Brick Tamland: Where'd you get your clothes… from the… toilet store?
Brick Tamland: I pooped a hammer.
Brick Tamland: I pooped a Cornish game hen.
Garth Holliday: You were my hero Ron! Why'd you have to say that? You come
out with stink like that.
[Starts to cry]
Garth Holliday: Poop. You poopmouth, with poop out of your mouth!
Ron Burgundy: Garth, if I would give you some money out of my wallet, would that ease the pain?
[first title card]
Title card: The following is based on actual events. Only the names,locations and events have been changed.
Brian Fantana: People call me the Bry man; I'm the stylish one of the group.I know what you're asking yourself and the answer is yes. I have a nick name for my penis. Its called the Octagon, but I also nick named my testes – my left one is James Westfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right you just might get to meet the whole gang.
Ron Burgundy: Let's go over the groundrules. Rule number 1: No touching of the hair or face… AND THAT'S IT!
Veronica Corningstone: …and that can be very distracting. Okay, so when we get to the pet shop…
Brick Tamland: [while coughing] Cough. Look over here.
Brick Tamland: Excuse me, Veronica?
Veronica Corningstone: Yes? What is it, Brick?
Brick Tamland: I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party.
Veronica Corningstone: Excuse me?
Brick Tamland: [struggling] The… party. With the… with the pants. Party with pants?
Veronica Corningstone: Brick, are you saying that there's a party in your pants and that I'm invited?
Brick Tamland: That's it.
Veronica Corningstone: Did Brian tell you to say this, Brick?
Brick Tamland: No. Yes. He did.
Veronica Corningstone: Okay. No. I don't want to go to a party in your pants.
Brick Tamland: Very well. Ian, would you like to go to a party in my pants?
Ian: No, Brick.
Brick Tamland: All right. Let's go.
[runs off, there is a sound of crashing off screen]
Brick Tamland: It's all right. I'm all right.
Ron Burgundy: [playing flute solo] Hey, Aqualung.
Ron Burgundy: I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back. I want to be on you.
[Veronica turns and walks away]
Ron Burgundy: Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I… I wanna be on you.
Ron Burgundy: [Ron is shirtless in his office and is doing arm curls with dumbbells] 1001… 1002… 1003…
Veronica Corningstone: Uh, Mr. Burgundy? Helen said that you needed to see me. Ron Burgundy: Oh, Miss Corningstone. I wasn't expecting company. Just doing my workout. Tuesday's arms and back.
Veronica Corningstone: Well, you asked me to come by, sir.
Ron Burgundy: Oh, did I?
Veronica Corningstone: Yes.
Ron Burgundy: Ohh, it's the deep burn. Oh, it's so deep. Oh, I can barely lift my right arm 'cause I did so many. I don't know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand.
Ron Burgundy: Veronica Corningstone and I had sex, and now we are in love!
[Brian shuts office door]
Ron Burgundy: Did I say that loud?
Brian Fantana: Yeah, you pretty much yelled it.
Ron Burgundy: Sweet Lincoln's mullet.
Ron Burgundy: [driving in car, speaking to Baxter] Oh, Baxter, you are my little gentleman. I'll take you to foggy London town 'cause you are my little gentleman. Wow, this burrito is delicious, but it is filling.
[throws burrito out the window]
Ron Burgundy: Son of a bee-sting.
Spanish Anchor: Como estan, beetches?
Brick Tamland: [opposing women in the newsroom] I read somewhere their periods attract bears. Bears can smell the menstruation.
Brian Fantana: Well, that's just great. You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy.
Ron Burgundy: Um, Brick, before I let you go, are you still having your celebrity golf tournament?
Brick Tamland: Um, no, no. Too many people died last year, so we're not gonna.
[to Brian Fantana]
Zoo Keeper: Excuse me… is that 'sex panther' you're wearing?
Ron Burgundy: [looking at his reflection in the mirror] Mmmmm… I look good.I mean really good.
[Yells off camera]
Ron Burgundy: Hey everyone! Come see how good I look!
Ron Burgundy: Let's dance, dickweed.
Wes Mantooth: You wanna dance, Burgundy?
[whips out a knife]
Wes Mantooth: I wanna polka.
Angry Biker: What do you love?
Ron Burgundy: I love poetry, and a glass of scotch, and, of course, my friend Baxter here.
Angry Biker: Well, now, guess what, this is happening.
Ron Burgundy: Excuse me… excuse me… what are you doing?
[biker punts Baxter over bridge]
Angry Biker: That's how I roll.
Frank Vitchard: [to Burgundy] I am gonna straight-up murder your ass!
Public TV News Anchor: [behind Frank] Blade!
Fighter: [handing him a machete] Here ya go, mate!
Frank Vitchard: [public news anchor cuts off Frank’s arm] Ah! I did not see that one coming!
Champ Kind: The bottom line is you've been spending a lot of time with this lady, Ron. You're a member of the Channel Four News Team.
Ron Burgundy: That's a given.
Champ Kind: We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much! I miss being with you. I miss being *near* you. I miss your laugh!
[laugh’s playfully and pulls on Ron’s sleeve]
Champ Kind: I miss your scent.
[Composes himself, becomes serious]
Champ Kind: I miss your musk… When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together!
Brian Fantana: Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you sit this next one out, stop talking for a while.
Veronica Corningstone: Take me to Pleasure Town.
Ron Burgundy: Oh, we're going there.
Ron Burgundy: I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal.
Veronica Corningstone: Really.
Ron Burgundy: People know me.
Veronica Corningstone: Well, I'm very happy for you.
Ron Burgundy: I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.
Brian Fantana: That was one crazy party. *I* *am* *hung* *ovaaah!*.
Champ Kind: [Theatrical version only] I woke up on the floor of some Japanese family's rec room, and they would NOT stop screaming.
Brick Tamland: I ate a big, red candle.
Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Burgundy, you have a *massive* erection.
Ron Burgundy: Oh, uh, it's the pleats… the pleats in the pants. It's an optical illusion. I was just about to take them back… to the pants store.Oh this is embarrassing.
Ron Burgundy: [playing jazz flute] Little Ham 'n Eggs comin' at ya, hold on people hope ya got your griddles…
Ron Burgundy: Let's go to Brian Fantana who's live on the scene with a Channel 4 News exclusive. Brian?
Brian Fantana: Panda Watch. The mood is tense; I have been on some serious,serious reports but nothing quite like this. I uh… Ching… King is inside right now. I tried to get an interview with him, but they said no, you can't do that he's a live bear, he will literally rip your face off.
[to the Panda]
Brian Fantana: Hey, you're making me look stupid. Get out here, Panda Jerk!
Ron Burgundy: Great story. Compelling, and rich.
Veronica Corningstone: Oh Ron, there are literally thousands of other men that I should be with instead, but I am 72 percent sure that I love you.
Ron Burgundy: [to Veronica after the news has just gone off the air] You've got a dirty whorish mouth.
Brick Tamland: [when Veronica is replacing Ron after he fails to turn up]
You're not Ron…
Ron Burgundy: [singing] Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight / Gonna grab
some afternoon delight / My motto's always been, "When it's right, it's
right" / Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?
Ron Burgundy, Brian Fantana, Champ Kind, Brick Tamland: [singing] When
everything's a little clearer in the light of day / And we know the night is
always gonna be there anyway.
Brian Fantana, Brick Tamland: [singing] Thinkin' of you's workin' up my
appetite / Looking forward to a little afternoon delight / Rubbin' sticks and
stones together makes the sparks ignite / And the thought of lovin' you is
getting so exciting.
Ron Burgundy, Brian Fantana, Champ Kind, Brick Tamland: [singing] Sky rockets
in flight / Afternoon delight.
Ron Burgundy: You guys have it, I think.
Ron Burgundy, Brian Fantana, Champ Kind, Brick Tamland: [singing] Afternoon
Champ Kind: I don't know Ron, That sounds kinda crazy.
Brian Fantana: Sounds like you have mental problems, man.
Brick Tamland: Yeah you got mental problems, man.
Brian Fantana: Yeah, he really does.
Brick Tamland: Man.
Ron Burgundy, Brian Fantana, Champ Kind, Brick Tamland: [singing] Afternoon delight.
Ron Burgundy: [answers the phone in a very distressed manor] "Hello? Who's there, I'm talkin? Hello? Who is this? Baxter… is that you? Baxter! Bark twice if your in Milwaukee… Is this Wilt Chamberlain? Have the courage to say something! Hello?
Ron Burgundy: Great Odin's raven.
Bill Lawson: [narration] There was a time, a time before cable. When the local anchorman reigned supreme. When people believed everything they heard on TV. This was an age when only men were allowed to read the news. And in San Diego, one anchorman was more man then the rest. His name was Ron Burgundy. He was like a god walking amongst mere mortals. He had a voice that could make a wolverine purr and suits so fine they made Sinatra look like a hobo. In other words, Ron Burgundy was the balls.
Ron Burgundy: It's so damn hot… milk was a bad choice.
Brian Fantana: Where is the suit store? We've been walking for forty-five minutes.
Champ Kind: Brick, I thought you said this was a shortcut.
Brick Tamland: Fantastic.
Ron Burgundy: Well, is it a shortcut or not?
Brick Tamland: Okay.
Ron Burgundy: Do you guys really want to know what love is?
Brick Tamland: More than anything in the world, Ron.
Ron Burgundy: You stay classy, San Diego.
Ron Burgundy: A La Jolla man clings to life at a University Hospital after being viciously attacked by a pack of wild dogs in an abandoned pool.
Brian Fantana: Ron, I know it sounds harsh, but God does not want her to live.
Ron Burgundy: [singing drunk] … Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon deliiiight… Ahh… I make fart-noises with my mouth, and I like it cause…
Bartender: Hey nutjob, quit the singing! You creeping out all the regulars.
Ron Burgundy: I'm expressing my inner anguish THROUGH THE MAJESTY OF SONG!
Champ Kind: Champ here! I'm all about havin' fun. You know, get a couple cocktails in me, start a fire in someone's kitchen. Maybe go to SeaWorld,take my pants off. Anyway, I kinda known for my catch phrase WHAMMY! As in Gene Tenace at the plate… iiittt WHAMMY! WHAMMY!
Ron Burgundy: Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention. I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you, to stop what you're doing and listen.
[Standing on the diving board in a speedo]
Ron Burgundy: Cannonball!
Brian Fantana: [seriously] I'm telling you, this lady has really crawled into Ron's head.
Brick Tamland: [breaks out laughing] That's a good one.
Ron Burgundy: [after jumping into the Kodiak bear pit at the San Diego Zoo] I immediately regret this decision.
Ron Burgundy: I'm storming your castle on my steed, m'lady.
Brick Tamland: [after a rival news team insults Ron and the team. Brick is standing next to the rival team] Heinie…
Brick Tamland: He said heinie!
Champ Kind: Brick, get back over here!
Veronica Corningstone: This is pathetic.
Ron Burgundy: You're pathetic.
Ron Burgundy: Oh Audrey – I look like hell! I got bags under my eyes. What's that? Well if you were a man, I'd punch you. Punch you right in the mouth. That's bush. Bush league. YOU HEAR ME? AUDREY! LOOK AT ME! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Alright?
Bartender: You know, times are changing. Ladies can do stuff now and you're going to learn how to deal with it.
Ron Burgundy: What? Were you saying something? Look, I don't speak Spanish.
Ron Burgundy: I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker.
Ron Burgundy: [to Veronica Corningstone as the news has just gone off the air] You're a real hooker. I'm gonna slap you in public.
Ron Burgundy: [to Veronica Corningstone] I'm gonna shoot you with a BB gun when you're not looking. Yep, back of the head.
Ron Burgundy: [sporting an erection after talking to Veronica, addressing the office] Don't act like you're not impressed.
Champ Kind: (Uncut version) Tell me about it, this morning, I woke up and I shit a squirrel, but what I can't get is the damn thing is still alive. So now, I've got a shit covered squirrel running around my office and I don't know what to name it.
Brick Tamland: Oh, I'm sorry champ, I think I ate your chocolate squirrel.
Ron Burgundy: [picking up phone] Ron Burgundy. Stay classy, San Diego. Hello,Baxter? Baxter, is that you? Bark twice if you're in Milwaukee. Is this Wilt Chamberlain? Have the decency to say something.
[falls off chair screaming]
Ron Burgundy: [while both characters are riding on horses through a cartoon Pleasure Town] I freakin' love you.
Veronica Corningstone: I freakin' love you back.
Ed Harken: [on the phone] I have no idea where he would have gotten ahold of German pornography. But you and I are mature adults; we've both seen our share of pornographic materials. Oh, you never have? Of course you haven't,how stupid of me. Neither have I. I was just speaking in generalities. Right.I'll stop by the school a little later, Sister Margaret. Bye.
Bill Lawson: [voiceover] Brick Tamland is married with 11 children and is one of the top political advisors to the Bush White House.
Veronica Corningstone: [in bear pit] In case we die here today, there's something that you should know. That dirty trick with the Teleprompter. It wasn't…
Ron Burgundy: Sweet Eli Whitney's nose. It wasn't you, was it? It was Wes Mantooth! Oh, I should have known.
Veronica Corningstone: No, no. No, I did it.
Ron Burgundy: [screams] You *bitch*!
[bears wake up]
Ron Burgundy: [Incredulous] You woke up the bears! Why did you do that?
Ron Burgundy: [doing mouth exercises] How now brown cow.
Ron Burgundy: This is Ron Burgundy, proudly reporting once again for Channel 4 News. Today's story is one of the more remarkable things ever to happen to San Diago or even the world. But in order to properly retell it, I'm going to need some help from my co-anchor, Miss Veronica Corningstone.
Brick Tamland: [comes on camera] High Pressure systems… High pressure systems…
Ron Burgundy: [shoves Brick] No, no, no, no, Brick.
Spanish Anchor: Tonight's top story: The sewers run red with Burgundy's blood.
Ron Burgundy: You dirtbags have been in third place for five years.
Frank Vitchard: Oh yeah? Well, you're about to be in… dead place
Ed Harken: Apparently, my son was on something called "Acid," and was shooting a bow and arrow into a crowd.
Ron Burgundy: [to Veronica] It's all right, my sweet chinchilla.
Ron Burgundy: Go easy on her, guys, she has feelings too, you know.
Brian Fantana: Listen to Burgundy, he sounds like some school-boy bitch.
Champ Kind: You sound like a gay.
Ron Burgundy: Hey, this is me – Papa Burgundy. As far as I'm concerned Corningstone's fair game. Let the games begin. Wey-ho. Wey-ho.
Brian Fantana: There he is, there he is… I'm very aroused
Public TV News Anchor: This is a great shot. Am I right Frank?
Frank Vitchard: I'm not talking to you because you cut off my arm.
Brick Tamland: Any moment now, a stork will come in with the new baby panda.Let's just see if I can see what's going on there.
[looks through the crowd at the panda giving birth]
Brick Tamland: Oh God…
Brick Tamland: No… I don't understand…
Angry Biker: You've just destroyed the only thing I've ever loved. All right,there it is. What do *you* love?
Ron Burgundy: [the news team is in the bear pit, fighting] Hit 'em in the uvula!
Wes Mantooth: Today we spell "redemption"… R-O-N.
Custodian: This is worse than that time the raccoon got in the copier!